Many people have warned me how hard these coming weeks would be but never did I realize how hard it truly was going to be. Lately I am close to tears each morning and it takes me a few hours to get myself together so entering the church I had not had time to compose myself and get my thoughts together. Then upon sitting down and opening the church bulletin what did I see the July Calendar with all the July birthdays. What struck me and caused a rush/flood of emotion was the empty spot of Corbin's Name in those July birthdays. Realization of the finality of his death hits once again. The ability to wipe a name off our calendar in one moment. A day and time I, and I pray that my family, will never forget but one that is easily erased from existance of all others. In one moment I realize where we are at and why were are here one year later. Barely able to breath and almost to the point of panic I left the church to regain my composure. I ask myself will these moments slow down and not affect me so. Then I cry harder to realize that then that would mean that it would be many years that I would have last seen my son. The empty ache in my arms overwhelms me and makes me feel like I have lead for limbs. With a rawness and ache so deeply we come upon the time when we had to say goodbye to Corbin. This time last year I was numb this year I am an open wound bleeding freely and not sure how to stop the blood loss.
How I miss him.